Still Rolling Through My Mind

You walked by not knowing
The smile that I was showing
Was meant for you
Now it’s to late
And I wish I would’ve said hi
You were new and didn’t know anyone
It’s too late now that your gone.
You were my Edward but unlike in twilight
I never had the delight to converse with you.
You’ll always be missed
By the person that didn’t exist.
Even though there was no hello,
Goodbye Shane.

-Roman

I wrote this the day after i found out that the student at my school that died was the person I admired on my bus. That was 2 weeks ago but it still affects all of us.

Typewriters

Hello Again,

Heres a story I wrote about my most prized possession, my typewriter. I call him Wallace.

Click Clack Ding

“Great! They’re open.” I thought to myself as I grabbed the antique shops’ door handle. Immediately I jumped to the back of the store where the periodicals were, I had been there the year before, and staring at me was the most astounding typewriter I’d ever seen. Without thinking twice I grabbed it and brought it to the front of the store where I found the original owner of the typewriter. He had told me that it was a 1953 Smith-Corona “Silent” that he had bought to type up papers in college and that for $20 it was as good as mine. As I was jumping for joy I grabbed the typewriter and started for home.

A casing of smooth tan steel and army green buttons don’t deserve to lye amongst other odds and ends that aren’t as prestigious as the “has been” typewriter. The spectacle of such an object is enough to entice everyone that passes by to reach out and press one of the keys to hear shear click of the lettered key hitting the roller. This superfluous jolt of excitement is enough to fill any individual with a pulse with glee and make said person wonder,” Why would anyone want to get rid of such a miraculous article of machinery?” Remembering almost instantly that they own a computer at home, ordinary people fall out of that trance and don’t want to take the entity home to rot in a dark closet never to be seen again.

Writing on an object of such splendor is one of the great joys of the world. From the time that the first sheet of paper is rolled into place to the chime of the petite, end of the line bell, a person can become hooked and never want to put the typewriter down. That is until they realize the harsh reality of not typing on Microsoft word, no backspace. The aggravation of not spelling a word correctly and either having to get out the correction tape or start all over again is enough to drive a person up the wall.  Perhaps that’s the reason not many individuals use them anymore and simply buy them to put atop a shelf or even, as some have done in the past, hang them on the wall as art.

Instantaneously after putting my new found treasure on the table everyone started talking about how they haven’t used a typewriter in years and all the great stories they had. Some said that they had learned on a typewriter just like it. Others, like my procrastinating mother, had to move into the basement to finish up their papers as to not disturb sleeping siblings and parents. One item was consistent with every, they couldn’t forget the signature click, clack, ding that myself and other typewriter owners love so deeply enough to rescue that one typewriter in between all the rubble.

English Paper

Hi,

Thats a new start. Well to start I’m supposed to be writing or should I say revising my english paper due tomorrow. But after doing my other homework and being sidetracked by Julie and Julia I decided to blog. Most recently I’ve come to the conclusion that I’d like to live out my life as a woman but not as any old woman, but as a Mrs. Clever or Julia Child. I don’t love anything more than elegant dresses, pearl necklaces, and heels. Especially my silver dangling earrings that I just so happen to be wearing now. Its not that i don’t like my life as a guy its that I feel as if I should be a girl and now with chest hair growing and a mustache popping out i couldn’t be more distressed. I will do everything in my power to stay happy and that means removing all hair and my new found goal, getting green and blue eyeliner. Hope all is well and if my family felt so inclined to read this blog. This is me and I don’t plan on changing for anyone.

Me wearing my party dress, white bead necklace, and favorite pair of earrings.

Life’s a “Drag”

Over the past summer months i indulged in something i had been thinking about forever. I walked into a salvation army and bought a black and white dress. It was the best feeling i’ve ever felt and at the same time it seemed so scandalous. Since that amazing day I’ve shortened it and added black trim to the collar. It’ll always be known as my little party dress that I love so deeply. Once the novelty of the dress wore  off I went out and bought a pair of heels (which were hard to find in a size 12w). At that moment I felt I was ready, so I started to sneak out of the house decked out in drag and I’d go around the neighborhood a few times and once I did it at 4:00 AM and a multitude of neighbors saw me as they left for work. And to catch up on life a week ago I walked to the store wearing woman’s jeans, sweater, necklace, and I wig I bought the day before. I felt so accomplished! Confident to go out in public I wen to the movies in drag yesterday with a few of my friends and if I do say so myself I looked good.

Borders

Waking up this morning I had no idea that I would engage in a deep thought conversation at Borders. Upon walking in, my quest was to find the Hunger Games. I asked an individual that worked there only to find out that they were sold outL. But all hope was not lost, my friend Alex, with whom I was with, wanted to purchase Truly Tasteless Jokes. Once in the comic and humor aisle, we were looking for the book and once distracted I commented, “Is it legal to sell this stuff?” The Asian guy down the aisle, we found out that his name was Will, started to laugh and we started to show each other book titles and funny things in the books. Will than asked Alex and I, “Are you guys boyfriend and girlfriend or brother and sister?” We told him that we were friends and that I was gay. He kept looking at me in disbelief and I haven’t the slightest idea why considering I had a murse over my shoulder. After, we told him that we did go out and he was wondering how I new I was gay if I was with such a great looking girl. I commented that,”It’s a process.” Unaware that two woman were behind us, they had been listening to our conversation and upon hearing say that coming out was a process, one of them said that I should write a book, LOL. I than popped their daughters bubbles and told them that Justin Beiber was gay. They exclaimed that their daughters’ hearts would be broken and they asked how I knew and told them that he came out on Oprah and I also read it online. They walked off and Will, Alex, and I continued on with our conversation and somehow it ended up on the topic of what I’ve done with guys. Upon learning that I wasn’t a virgin he explained that he was one of those people who were planning on waiting till marriage to have sex. But gave in when his drunken massage therapist called and pounced on him. The rest of the time that we were talking to him he kept trying to get me to go straight by putting my arm around Alex’s shoulders. After convincing him that there was no way in hell that I was going to get with a girl ever again he stopped and asked me if he should hit on Alex, while he was in front of her. I tried to stop the conversation but he kept talking and asked what kind of guys we were into and we informed him of our preferences. Jumping to drugs, somehow he explained that we shouldn’t do drugs because his sister is a meth addict and is causing his family a lot of pain. Alex than made me get out of there and here I am today. I have since than decided that I will not do salvia or any other drug for the purposes of not wanting to hurt my family

Men of my Dreams

I found out that I had signed up for an elite space program that would go into a mystery galaxy. I had refused to steer the ship but was forced to by the captain and finally I took the helm. Once there (it didn’t take more than a few hours) I had jumped into bed with a mysterious person and don’t know who he is or what he looks like but he must have been amazing. After that everything on our ship went haywire and we all got into the ship but only managed to save 5 individuals, the captain, 2 lesbian lovers, my gay lover, and myself. I steered us back to earth safely and we were all stirred up and the lesbians were making out the entire way back. When we came back we were what looked like a subway station underneath Chicago. We walked out and it was raining hard and I tried calling my parents to come pick me up when I met up with Walter. We walked for a few min. and ended up in a bad section of town when I suggested we go back into the city, find a nice coffee shop, and wait for our parents to come get us. When at the coffee shop we met up with AG and I looked over and saw four columns. 1 said forget love, another said forget money, and the last said forget life. After reading the columns I saw a specials board and read what was on it and knew that it was geared to me. My lover had written a note to me that had science and math mixed into it but what I remember it saying was,” We could never be together because of you dirty body and mind. I need someone with a hairy chest and that’s tough. Forget me.” I turned around for AG to console me when I saw a large group of people and that they were all looking at Matthew Mcconaughey and I tried to get a picture when my phone wouldn’t work. He than walked into the coffee shop and sat in a leather wingback chair where I was able to get a  good picture of him. That’s when I woke up and was depressed that I can’t even get a guy in my dreams.

Weight

Ever since I moved to Nevada when I was a little kid I’ve been on the heavy side. Two weeks ago I got and the scale and saw that i weighed 220 lbs. That was when i knew i had to do something. Through low calorie foods and protein shakes with a pinch of exercise  I lost 5 lbs. already and my body is looking thiner. This just goes to show that a low calorie, high exercise diet can help you loose weight easily.

Book Stores

Most book stores no matter where they’re located have a GLBT interest area. The only problem i have is that at Borders the section is only about a half shelf. This ticked me off the first time I saw it. You would think that they would carry every book on the subject considering they have every other book ever published. After noticing this I started looking at Barnes and Noble (Located across the street). My face instantly lit up when I saw the selection. They have almost half an aisle filled with GLBT books. I don’t know about you but I prefer the books about peoples first homosexual encounters. Just thought I’d share my thoughts on the subject.

Online Dating

Over the past few months I’ve had a GYC (The Gay Youth Corner) account. The GYC is a dating site for people between the ages of 14 and 25 where you can go into chat rooms and meet gay youth. Anyway I’ve met quiet a few guys on there and I’m still friends with 3 of them. The bad part of all this is that I’ve met many guys that just want to hit it and quit it which doesn’t work for a person like me who wants a relationship. I also don’t like being in a long distance relationship. Chat rooms are also a great way to meet men if you know where to go. Unlike going to 321 chat rooms where the men are whores and unless you aren’t going to strip on camera your not welcome. Basically do your research and  make sure you make the right choice in men.

Coming Out and Having Family Problems

We all have problems within our families some time or another. Especially if your a gay teenager still living with your parents. if your like me you feel over whelmed with guilt about keeping this big secret from your parents and you just want to tell them. I did that twice. The first time I just blurted it out to my mom and both my mom and dad scared me out of it and wanted to send me to a therapist. The second time I left more than enough hints in my computer and when they went through it they caught my drift. I allowed my mom to send me to a therapist just to make sure that i knew what I was doing. Some parents aren’t so easy like in an article I read in my own high school newspaper titled “Ripping Down the Barrier Between Families” Gay Article. I hope you like it and I don’t know the girls real name.